Top 10 Most Annoying Folks in the Beatle Circle!
You know 'em, you love 'em, you hate 'em! These are the annoying people that had some sort of connection to the Beatles at one time in their lives, and won't step out of the spotlight for a minute. From authors to relatives to vague friends, these irritating folks get publicity for having known the boys, and I think we're all getting a little fed up with hearing about them. Its time to count down the list to the Top 10 Most Annoying Folks in the Beatle Circle!
10) Louis Harrison. "Hey look at me! I'm George's older sister, and I'm famous! Take a picture with me, ask me for an autograph! I have two childhood stories about George since I was 12 years older than him, and I moved out by the time he was 6! hee hee! But I'm still his sister! I attend BeatleFests (did I mention George HATES Beatlefests?) and give speaches on how *close* George and I are! We have spoken in years but so!?"
9) Jane Asher. "Hey, I'm Paul's ex-girlfriend! I'm way too sophisticated for Paul, and I am like SO over him! hee hee! I have my own bakery now, and the only reason people ever buy my cakes is so they can ask me over the phone how Paul was like in bed! hee hee!"
8) Sean Lennon. "Hey! I'm John's son and I look like my mom! Since my dad was famous, I think I am too. I've been in Japanese bands and I'm so cultural cuz I'm dating a girl named Yuka Honda. My singing is wretched but mom says I take after her! If dad's famous, I can be too!"
7) The Cavern Club. "Hey! We're so cool cuz the Beatles used to play here! hee hee. We signed them on, against our better judgment, and now we're like the toppermost of the poppermost. hee hee! Actually, the REAL Cavern club was teared down but this one is just as cool, right? RIGHT?! I mean, the NAME is the same and thats what matters most!"
6) Geoffrey Guiliano. "Hey! I'm Geoffrey and I used to write decent Beatle biographies until I realized my books would sell better is I started making up stuff! hee hee! Thus I give you 'Lennon in America'. Yeah, John COULD HAVE slept with his mother...how do YOU know?! He might have!"
5) Pauline Sutcliffe. "Hey! I'm Stuart's sister and I just wrote a book called 'The Beatles' Shadow'. In my book, I say that John kicked Stuart which killed him. hee hee. The whole gang beating him up, didn't look too interesting when I was typing it. So I jazzed it up a little! Hey, I'm his sister, its legal!...right? hee hee! I also claim that John and Stu were having a sexual relationship. Why? Uuhhh...Stu'a an artist and artists are gay, right? Well he could have been! hee hee."
4) Yoko Ono. "Hey! I'm Yoko and I just loooved John. Sure, we were considering divorce round the time he died but whatever. hee hee! Anywho, I've made my own line of John Lennon baby items, which is on the market now! John would have wanted it this way...his personal sketches for Sean exploited...hey, shut up! He did! He told me so. It has nothing, oh absolutely, *nothing* to do with the uh, profits. Hey! I'm not making money off John's name! I'm-uh-donating...yeah, donating the profits...to, um...Art! Yeah, art! Thats what i'm donating it to! hee hee!"
3) Pete Best. "Hey! I used to be the drummer for the Beatles, but now I'm an old, fat, fart with my own band and I tour around. I tried convincing the guys to name our band 'The Fifth Beatles' but apparently that would be some kinda pleasurizing legal boo boo! I'm sooo cool cuz I used to be a Beatle. Man, didn't you see 'Backbeat'? The guy that played me had two lines! Yeah! Go me!"
2) Heather Mills. "Hey, why am I number 2?! I deserve to be number 1! Hee hee! Anywho, my name is Heather and I'm like Paul's lover. Why would I want publicity? heh heh. I LOVE him. He takes me shopping! Shopping is cool! Hee hee. But it seems the more clothes he buys me, the more sex he expects. Bastard. hee hee!"
1) And of all the people who screwed over or exploited the Beatles, FRANCIE SCHWARTZ will always have a place in our hearts as the # 1 annoying person in the Beatle circle! This woman is said to have broke up Jane and Paul's long relationship. Francie was basically Paul's mistress for six months, and when he left her, good ol' Francie does what any other annoying Beatle person would do...writes a smutty book about her and Paul and makes millions of dollars! Oh, and theres an autio cassette too, for all of you interested in investing! Congrats, Fran!