MACCA LEG RUB
POP legend Sir Paul McCartney likes to massage the stump of wife Heather Mills' amputated leg. He gets on his
knees and gives her a rub when the limb is "purple and angry" at the end of a busy day. Vanity Fair mag, who interviewed the
couple, say: "Her husband is ever eager to massage it for her, soothing the stresses and strains of the day." Heather lost
her left leg just below the knee in a road accident.
True dat! Tee hee, anyone ever see the movie "Magnolia"? If so, respect the stump! Like, I am
sooo witty. :) Anyhoo, that nub can get totally sore from all my daily activities. You would never believe what
it's like to live a day in the life of Pegger Mills. After all that shopping, my poor nub is pooped! It all started one afternoon
when I had just gotten back from Hugh Hefner's place, proceeding one 'hefty' shag (tee hee! a girl should always have a back-up
billionaire in case the first one doesn't croak soon). I was zonked from all that screwing, so I asked Paul to massage my stump. Sir
Fats-A-Lot seemed to think it was erotic and was rather enjoying himself, the pervo! Now, he has this crazy idea that rubbing
my nub turns me on so he does it constantly. See what hell I go through being married to Paul?!? You just gotta keep reminding
yourself: 10 billion dollars, ten billion dollars., ten billion dollars...like, that's my mantra these days! Once I sue his
ass for divorce, it'll be shopping days for Peg permanently. I look foward to that day - it's like reaching Nirvana for me.
Neato-vana. Tee hee! Whatever.
Heather Mills offered to
sign a prenuptial agreement before marrying Paul McCartney but he turned her down, she has revealed. The former model says
she was prepared to draw up an agreement which would protect the billionaire ex-Beatle's fortune if they split in order to
show that her affection was genuine. "I wanted to prove that I love him for him," she says. "He said, 'I
wouldn't let you.' " But she adds that she will always remain financially independent. "I believe every woman
should have a reserve, because you never know what will happen in life. Guys can get bored, especially if they feel they've
just got you there." Speaking to Vanity Fair magazine, she also talks candidly about home life with her new
husband - revealing intimate secrets about the relationship with the man she calls her "soulmate". The new
Lady McCartney - who wed Sir Paul, 59, at Castle Leslie Estate, in County Monaghan, Ireland in June - adds: "Our favourite
thing is to stay home. I cook a meal and he dances around the room like Fred Astaire. "We're great
for each other. I could eat him. I think when you find your soul mate, you could sleep under their armpits. I'm like a little
dog. He says, 'You're always sniffing me!' I'm really happy. It's incredibly passionate. It's intense all the time, and we
love each other's company." Just weeks before the wedding, newspapers in both the United States and Britain reported that
she and Sir Paul engaged in a screaming match in their Florida hotel suite. According to a security guard, the argument
became so heated that Sir Paul yelled: "I don't want to marry you. The wedding's off" as he threw her £15,000 ring out the
window. Sir Paul reportedly had to call security guards at the Turnberry Isle Resort and Club in Miami to search the hotel
garden for the ring. But when questioned about the incident, Lady McCartney simply said: "We were playing a game, having
a joke, doing catch with the ring." Lady McCartney, 34, maintains that she gets on famously with Sir Paul's children,
despite the reports of a fierce feud. She says: "We get on so well it's hilarious." She adds that Heather McCartney
(Linda's daughter, whom Paul adopted) is very friendly. "We speak every day. We are so close she's like another sister."
gotta hand it to you Peg, old girl, you are the QUEEN of Bullshit. Yay me! Oh, like we are sooo happy together..THOL! ("Tee
Hee Out Loud"). The only kinda cooking I do can be summed up in two words: Easy Mac. And the only kind of dancing PAUL does?
Five words: Old geezer dude break dancing. Who is Fred Astaire anyways? Was he like a break-dancer? Yeah, I thought so. And
oh my G, y'all, Stella is SUCH a bitch! Mini-Heather too...sister, my ass! Oh sure, we call eachother everyday. Our conversations
go kinda like this:
Neato Heather: Hello?
Stupid Heather: Go to hell,
Neato Heather: Oh yeah? You wanna piece of me? Say it to my face, bee-yotch!
Stupid Heather: Bloody tart!
Neato Heather: Poop face!
Heather: Gold-digging whore!
Neato Heather: What's your point?
Heather: My point?! Blooming hell, kiss my ass, Peg!
Neato Heather: Tell it to the stump cuz
the face don't wanna listen!
Tee hee, like those tabloid dudes will believe *anything*! That's why the press keeps
saying, 'Heather and Stella are best mates' and poo like that. For landmine sake, these bastards actually believed me when
I told them Paul and I were playing catch with the ring and one of us missed and it came sailing out the window! That was
such a cover-up story. In actuallity (<-- Neato! What a big word), Paul was being a total meanie head. He said he was having
doubts about our relationship cuz we never communicate or some such crap that I never listen to him (I forget the rest, I
wasn't paying attention). That is SO not true! I have to listen to him all the time, talk about how he dreamt up that song
"Yesterday". *shudder* Anyhoo, he got all pissed and junk, so he chugged my ring out the window. I was SO totally p.o.ed!
I remember saying to him, "If you don't find that ring, I will never have sex with you again!" Within the next ten minutes,
the hotel had hired metal detectors to search the premises. Yeah, Paul sure does like his sex. But who could blame him? He
gets it from the best!
McCartney Vs. Madonna in Castle Hassle
By BILL HOFFMANN
Get ready for the rock-'n'-roll brawl of the century - it's Madonna
The Material Mom is reported to be competing with the ex-Beatle to
buy a $7 million Scottish castle. The pop queen and her director
hubby, Guy Ritchie, are said to be planning a special viewing
of Amhuinnsuidhe Castle, on the Isle of Harris. They have wanted
to buy a home in the Scottish Highlands since their wedding at Skibo Castle in December 2000. But
McCartney is also said to have expressed an interest in the property as a getaway for him and his bride-to-be, Heather Mills.
As if the interest of Madonna and McCartney weren't enough,
real-estate sources also say Sting and Mohammed al-Fayed, owner of Harrods, also have their eye on the prize. And to make matters more complicated, the residents of Harris also hope to take over
the estate in a community buyout. The castle and 50,000 acres
are being sold by hard cider millionaire Jonathan Bulmer, who once described it as "the loveliest place on earth." Madonna already owns a $9 million townhouse in London and
a $12 million mansion and estate in Wiltshire, England.
Like, who the hell does this
Madonna character think she is?! Um, what's more important? Her stupid home thingy for her husband and her to all live in
and junk? Or a casual skank palace-shack for me and Paul to have a screw, watch TV, and leave (only to return years later
just to check up on the poopy place)? Duh! The second one. I mean, you can find a home anywhere. But "get-aways"?
Those are more difficult to come upon. Besides, Paul is royalty, right? Like, totally SIR Paul. And royalty deserves castles...and
now that you mention it, I'm gonna marry that fat bastard so doesn't that make me a Queen or something? Neato! All hail Queen
Peg! Tee hee! Oh, now I can't WAIT to get married. Weeee! But anywho, we deserve that castle-thingy more than stupid Madonna.
Oh yeah, and that bee guy too. What was his name?...Sting? Whatever. He doesn't even have a last name so he shouldn't be allowed
to buy that house. Besides, its practically a steal. Only 7 million dollars! Like, my totally rich boyfriend could make that
money in one HOUR, whoring himself. Or so he tells me. Let me tell you, we fight ALL THE TIME about this, folks. The arguement:
who makes the better whore? He's all, "Peg, you know I would be better because I'm hot stuff and women love me." And I go,
"Na-ah! I have experience!" Boo-yeah! Top that, fat boy. He'll usually just mutter something under his breathe and
then go eat something. Thats how many mornings at the McCartney house go...
|Paul, Me, and that Mean Dude with the Big Nose...
|Like, here I am on some gay talk show! Paul was talking non-stop and I was sooo bored. Tee hee.
HEATHER FACES QUIZ ON £250K CHARITY APPEAL
like which one of you little bastards squealed?! That's the last time I tell any of YOU a secret. Now, I have the FBO and
some other pigs up my ass, trying to bust me (and its all YOUR fault)! Flamin' poo! This pisses Peggy-kins off! :( I'm too
cute to go to jail! The mean lesbians will rape me. Rape is not nice. Imagine being stuck in a cage with four or five Stellas,
greedily undressing you with their EYES. Yeah, THATS where I'm gonna be pretty soon if Geoff doesn't get me out of this mess.
And Geoff better watch his back cuz he's in possession too, ya know. He's got morphine, ice, reefer, and glue! If the cops
find him out, we're all screwed! Well, this whole charity buisness is not my fault, anyway. People send money to me, and I'm
suppose to send it to some Indian folk, right? Well I did...but I only kept a little! Hey, after all my hard work (licking
stamps, closing envelopes), I deserved a little pay! Where's the gratitiude?! This is exactly why charity-thingies totally
suck ass. They put money RIGHT in front of you and then tell you to give it to someone else. Like, hello?! That's pure torture!
Like those stinky earth-quake people need money anyway. Its not like they have any Macey's or Saks Fifth Avenues in Bangladesh-land.
So whats the point of having money? This whole me-stealing-charity-money fiasco BETTER blow over pretty damn soon! Cause if
it doesn't, I'm gonna be one pissed off little Peg. And when Peg gets pissed, EVERYBODY SUFFERS!!!
SIR Paul McCartney's fiancee Heather
Mills is being investigated over a £250,000 charity appeal. Charity Commission
officials are probing the distribution of cash from The Lions Charitable Trust which she launched to help earthquake victims
in India. Former model Heather, 34 - due to marry 59-year-old Sir Paul next
month - launched the trust in April last year in a glossy celebrity magazine. The appeal promised to provide thousands of false limbs for people seriously
wounded in an earthquake in the western Indian province of Gujarat in January 2001 which had left tens of thousands dead.
Heather - who lost her left leg in an accident involving
a police motorcyclist in 1993 - has raised hundreds of thousands of pounds for landmine victims and was nominated for the
Nobel Peace Prize in 1996.
earthquake appeal, which covered nine pages of the magazine, she said: "The more limbs we can buy, the more people we can
make walk again. People in England can make a real difference by buying a leg.
"For just £20 they will be able to make a child walk again. Imagine that. If you
do nothing else for charity for the rest of your life, what a worthwhile thing to do!"
Charity Commission officials began their investigation after it emerged in
March that the trust is not registered as a charity - or as a company. The only address given for it is a Post Office box
number in Southampton.
a Charity Commission spokesman said: "I can confirm that The Lions Charitable Trust is not registered as a charity. We have
been in contact with Heather Mills on several occasions over the past month.
"Following letters and telephone calls, we are seeking documentation to confirm that
funds have been distributed as Heather has indicated."
Heather is now waiting for a report from India before replying to the Commission. Under the 1993 Charity Act
anyone wishing to set up an appeal must register with the Commission.
The Act states: "A body is a charity if it is set up under the law of England and Wales and is
established for exclusively charitable purposes.
"Generally, if an organisation is a charity, it must apply to the Commission for registration and the Commission
must register it."
In 1995 Heather
set up the Heather Mills Trust. But it was not until March 2000 that the trust was registered as a charity. The only set of
accounts so far filed by the trust reveal that it received an income of £102,219, and spent a total of £69,602.
On her personal website - www.heathermills.org - Heather
boasts that she began her charitable work in 1994, just a year after her accident.
The site says: "Heather instigated a nationwide appeal for the donation of
unwanted prostheses, then employed the services of the inmates at Brixton prison to dismantle the limbs and make them ready
for transport. In October 1994, just a year after her accident, the first convoy of artificial limbs left for Zagreb.
"Over 22,000 amputees and victims of landmine explosions
have been helped.
"All the work
Heather has done so far has been paid for out of her own pocket."
Indian charity Jaipur Foot yesterday confirmed it had received £25,000 from Heather for earthquake
Last night a spokeswoman
for Heather Mills said: "The Lions Charitable Trust is not Heather's charity. All she did was collect money for the trust
and send it out to India. We sent all the money out there as it came in."
WHAT MACCA'S GIRL SAID:
"I''ve decided to launch an appeal when I get back to England. "The more limbs we can buy, the
more people we can make walk again. "People in England can make a real difference by buying a leg. "For just £20 they will
be able to make a child walk again. "Imagine that. If you do nothing else for charity for the rest of your life, what a worthwhile
thing to do!"
The Lions Charitable Trust is not registered as a charity.
"We have been in contact with Heather Mills on several occasions regarding The Lions Charitable Trust over the past month.
"Following these letters and telephone calls we are seeking documentation to confirm that funds have been distributed as Heather
McCartney Says His Kids Are Unhappy About Wedding
- Former Beatle Paul McCartney admitted Sunday his children were finding it difficult to accept his forthcoming marriage to
fiancee Heather Mills, but said they had to realize "it's how it is and how it must be."
The 59-year old star, who has
said he "cried for a year" after his wife Linda died of breast cancer in 1998, is due to marry former model Mills, 33, on
June 6 in a star-studded ceremony in New York. But his children are still struggling with the idea. "They find it difficult
to think of me with another woman," he told Britain's Sunday Telegraph magazine in an interview.
"I think a second marriage
is hard for the children," he said. "But it's how it is and how it must be, and I think that more than anything they want
me to be happy -- and this is what makes me happy."
McCartney -- who will turn 60 next month -- has three children from
his marriage to Linda as well as a daughter from Linda's previous marriage.
He is currently on tour in the United States
-- his first American concert tour in almost 10 years.
Those retarded midgets! Can you believe those self-centered, materialistic little
brats? All they care about is money, money, money. What about ME? What about MY needs? Peg needs money too! I think the whole
reason Paul's stupid kids are mad is cause they won't inherit as much with ME in the picture. Serves 'em right! Peg always
comes first. But let them be pissed because look who gets the last laugh? Muahahaha. Tee-hee-hee-hee-hee-hee-hee! Yeah,
you might also have picked on to a little phrase in that article. "Star-studded ceremony". Like, yAy! I hope so. Ya see, before,
Paul wanted this private "romantic" wedding where we could be alone and no one would get to see my personally designed wedding
gown. Not neato! So I begged him...pleaded him to let us have a celebrity-packed, publicity filled marriage and you know Paul.
It doesn't take much convincing when your asking for publicity. So he agreed and if he comes through with his promise, I'll
get to meet lots of stars. Oooh, I hope Brad Pitt comes! He is *so* dreamy. I would totally do it with him! Maybe we could
sneak in the bathroom or something, during the reception. Oooooh and that Tom Cruise-dude is hot too! More sex for Peg! Yippee!
:) Well, I have some wedding gown designing to do. Later, dudes!
Radio Station Pulls Trailer Making Fun Of Heather Mills
A radio station has scrapped a trailer making fun of Paul McCartney's fiancee
Presenter Terry Christian has been accused of offending people with disabilities
in the plug for his Century FM show.
Miss Mills had her leg amputated after being involved
in a road accident.
Amputee Sam Gallop, trustee and former chairman of the Limbless
Association, told the Manchester Evening News: "Would anyone make a joke about a two-year-old child who has just had an amputation?
You certainly should not make a living out of it. "We are in the business of helping people,
not making jokes about them. My feet were burned off. I don't find it funny." Stephanie
Barker, of Century FM, said: "We've listened to the tape and can comment that while Terry would never knowingly cause offence
to anyone, he has a very tongue-in-cheek manner and on this occasion, it appears that this comment has caused offence.
"We, of course, take all complaints extremely seriously and as a result, this promotional trail has now
Tee hee, the "Limbless Association"! Hey! Wait a minute, that guy was totally
making fun of me. How, not nice! He will pay for this...literally, I'll go steal some of his stuff. No one makes a fool out
of Peg Mills McCartney! NO ONE! Besides, I am like all legless and junk so you have to treat me special. That's the rule (duh!).
Anyone who has any form of disability is automatically special and deserves lots of special privleges...and money. Tee hee!
Speaking of discrimination, I was totally prejudisized yesterday! Okay, it was the last day of the Neiman Marcus sale and
I was in a hurry. I pulled into the parking lot and couldn't find a single space left. From the corner of my eye, I spotted
an old granny chick in a wheel chair when it hit me. The handicap zone! Hey, I'm missing a leg! That's a handicap, right?!
Whatever. So I sped in front of the old bitty and into the empty spot in the very front. She was all pissed and junk cuz I
got in her way so she yelled out some mean stuff to me. But who cares what OLD people have to say? They're like,
old. Anywho, I totally showed her! I pushed her wheelchair over! Tee hee. Just cause she has a disability doesn't mean she
gets special privleges! So back to my story. I shopped for a couple of hours and bought some neato stuff. By the time I headed
back to my car, I was exhausted only to find a little piece of paper tucked into the windshield wiper. I read the note and
whaddoya know, I won the lottery! Coolio! It said they owed me $250 which is kinda cheap but whatever. Money is money. I went
to the police department to redeem my money when the cop-person said I owed THEM $250. Apparently, it's illegal to park in a handicap zone!!! Who knew?!
Macca Admires Daughter's Fashion Creations
Sir Paul McCartney and his fiancee Heather Mills
have been in Paris for his daughter's latest fashion show. Stella McCartney was showing off her designs at the autumn and
winter ready-to-wear collections.
was among the other designers presenting their latest creations at the show.
Talk about gay. Why does Paul feel the need
to drag me along to all his many outings? He says, "Heather dearest, I want you to bond with my children. You're
going to be their new mother, you know." Bond? With those spoiled brats? All they think about is money,
money, money. Like, how totally materialistic! They need to set their values straight. They should focus their time on more
important things like shopping and pet rocks. Oh, and emus. Emus are neato. But yeah, I was stuck having to watch that 3 hour
show of pure stupid clothing. Like, oh my gosh, all Stella's "creations" focus on boobies, boobies, and more boobies. What's
the deal with that? Shouldn't some of her ideas draw attention to other things, like for example, prosthetic legs? Now THAT
would be something worth looking at.
Heather Mills received 10 yards of the finest Chantilly lace at Paul's office in New York last week. Stella
McCartney will not be designing Heather's wedding dress. Paul's fiancee is designing her own wedding gown. The very expensive
lace was ordered from Solstiss Bucol in France, one of the top lace suppliers. The wedding is rumored to be in March but is
more likely to be in early July.
Tee hee! Yeah, I was sketching in my notebook when I realized how much of a coolio artist-person, I am! I mean, my sketches
were GOOD! So an idea hit me (Neato, an idea!). I shall venture forth and create my OWN wedding gown. I decided I would buy
the richest material-fabric-crap to sew my creation (spending Paul's money of corse). I'm not sure how to sew, what measurements
I am, how to thread a needle, or how to make a dress, but I'll figure it out! If Paul's butch daughter can do it, so can I!
How hard could it be? Yeah, and I'm gonna be SOOOO pretty. Tee hee!
"I'm no gold digger," says Heather Mills. Sir Paul McCartney's fiancee Heather
Mills has denied she is a gold digger. She told Radio 4 that his fortune would only have been appealing if he was much richer.
The 33-year-old former model rejected suggestions made about her intentions towards the ex-Beatle who is worth an estimated
She told Michael Buerk on Radio 4's The Choice: "He knows and I know why I'm with him. If I was
going to go out with anybody for their money, it would be with someone a lot richer."
Challenged that few people
were wealthier than Sir Paul, she said: "There are a lot of people, believe me," adding: "There are more reasons
not to be with him, but he's just a great guy."
Like, that is soooo true! I could score a whole lot RICHER than fat Paul but like I said in my interview, he and I BOTH know
why we're a couple. Because money is neato. Oh, and I love him. But mostly cuz money is neato. There are like a bunch of reasons
not to be with him. Okay, like firstly, he is a veggie freak. Yeah, I tell everyone I went veggie but thats just gay. Why
stop eating meat when you can eat meat? Duh! What a weirdo. Secondly, he's got these drugs and junk and they hurt my feelings.
Not really, but they make him stupid. He's always getting high and I just can't take him ANYWHERE when he's in such a state.
i.e. No shopping for me! APPARENTLY, its illegal to forge his signature when I steal his credit cards. Don't ask me!
KOCHI, JANUARY 14: THE singer of the chart-topper Driving Rain is holidaying in monsoon country. For the past one week, away
from the glare of cameras, ex-Beatle Sir Paul McCartney has been serenading Keralas backwaters with his girlfriend, Heather
Paul McCartney and Heather Mills
McCartney and Mills, a former model, flew in his private jet into the
Cochin International Airport at Nedumbassery last week. There are also reports that former Bond Sean Connery has been taking
a break in Kerala for the past five-six days.
On Saturday evening, the couple celebrated Heathers birthday at Coconut
Lagoon at Kumarakom. They celebrated the day on a houseboat sprinkled with flowers, said sources. At night, they sailed away
on the backwaters of the Vembanad Lake.
McCartney, a strident vegetarian and animal rights activist, has also been
sampling the states traditional ayurveda, a major tourist draw. "He is a yoga expert. He enjoyed every bit of ayurveda
and yoga," sources said. McCartney and Mills have been on salads and a traditional Kerala vegetarian menu.
arriving at Kumarakom, McCartney also spent time with his partner at Marari Beach, Alappuzha and Spice Village in Thekkady.
"They spent a night on a houseboat. He is thrilled about the visit," sources said. Kerala can only hope
that McCartney will, some day, sing like he did in his latest number Driving Rain: "Let's go there back again, baby,
Yeah, that trip was soooooo gay. I mean, I think islands are stupid. They have all this tropical junk, like fruit and grass
skirts but they don't even have a Bloomingdales! I mean, whats THAT all about? Ya see, in Paul's twisted little head, he thought
it would be ROMANTIC to visit a get-away island in the middle of like, wherever those island thingies are. Canada, I think.
But yeah, so he says he's gonna surprise me for my birthday and take me to a tropical paradise. So the first thing that struck
my head was, "Oh, we're gonna go to New York again!" I mean, Manhattan is an island, right? Anywho, we arrive in
that crappy piece'a poo island and Paul leads me to this boat, only, its like a house ("Hence the name 'house-boat"
as Paul says). We get there and it has all these flowers everywhere, and I'm all like, "Someone REALLY needs to broom
this piece of junk!" Then Paul says, "Heather dearest, its romantic. It's suppose to set the mood." Yeah right,
shrubs make me SO horny. Yet another example of Paul pretending I'm Linda. Back to my story, we were set for a romantic candle-lit
dinner and I was all excited. The waiter dude serves us these plates and I eagery look at mine. And whats on it, you ask?
A shrub! A freaking shrub! Some island salad thingie. I asked the waiter, "Do y'all have any steak?" But he didn't
understand me (I think he only speaks Canadian). Well as if the night couldn't get any worse, I opened Paul's presents and
oh BROTHER! Dirty magazines, dirty magazines, and MORE dirty magazines. He must have thought it was funny or something. He
also bought me this pearl necklace he got on the island. I told him, "Paul, already have one of these!" And he said,
"Yes Heather but you got that from a box of Cracker Jacks. This one is real." That made me mad! How dare he insult
my CJ pearls! They were real! I mean, what would be the point of putting FAKE pearls in a box of candy corn? Like, DUH, who
would buy it? Not me! Hmmm, what else did Paul buy me? Oh, he bought me the Beatles Anthology movies to improve my knowledge
of his old band thingie. I think the Beatles are neato. I love that one song called "I'm a Believer". Tee hee! That
one is like, groovy (I learned that word from the Brady Bunch). So anywho, that was my birthday. Next year, I am SO making
him a list.
Heather Mills appreared at Macys/NYC today . As the
new spokeswoman for INC clothing, Heather also
her Adopt-A-Minfield cause. A percentage of
all purchases of INC clothing from Macys during the
month of February
will be donated to this cause.
Heather looked absoluvely beautiful and was very warm
with all of us who wanted to
talk to her and get her
autograph. It was a pleasure meeting her!
Also, earlier this week, gossip columnists Rush
Molloy reported that Mills has broken with fellow
human-rights activists on U.S. treatment of Taliban
al-Qaida terror suspects held in Cuba. ""They're
terrorists,'' she was quoted by the columnists at the
that Vogue and the I.N.C fashion company threw
for her before she headed to the Amnesty International
Awards. ""So, if it means that they
don't have five meals a day when their country's only
getting one meal
a week, then it's really not the end
of the world.'' Mills conceded that footage she's seen
of the hooded men in Guantanamo
was ""quite dramatic.
And I've worked in many war-torn countries.'' However,
she said, "I don't think
the treatment's really bad.
They're not heavily bruised and beaten up, and I think
we need to worry more about the
innocent civilians out
there than about what's going on'' with the prisoners.
When asked, Paul declined to comment
prisoners, preferring to praise Amnesty International.
Another lesson learned: being a spokesperson really gets you attention! That coolio store, Macys said that if I represented
them, I could get all these discount thingies so I was more than happy to ablige. Then, Geoff told me I ought to start my
rant of how land mines aren't cool and you shouldn't smoke land mines. I think I really got through to the people! They were
all staring and pointing at me, but then again, I am a publicity goddess. After my speech, a bunch of weirdos were asking
for my autograph so I was all like, "I know I'm famous!" and signed each one of them an autograph reading, "Dear
Whoever You are, stay in school and don't smoke sex and have drugs. Cheers! - Peg". Wow, how generous of me to write
so much! Then, people started asking me about this political junk - BORING! I stated my opinion on how I thought third world
countries were gay, but Geoff ended up editting my every word! As if I weren't well spoken!